“She” (Five Minute Friday topic)

Task: type 5 minutes, freestyle, using one word as a starter… “Five Minute Friday”. (Note: this is NOT edited… it is free style, whatever came out…)

http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/

Word: SHE

Start:

She tries to be such a good mom and wife.  She tries to do it all. Perfectly.  She doesn’t want anyone to see her mess up.  Or she USED to be that way, for about 44 years. Now she still tries to be a “good mom and wife”, but she knows she will never get it just right.  She will fail.  She will fall.  She will have some good days. Some bad days.  She will yell at her kids sometimes. She will lose it.  She will get mad at her husband.  She will want her own way.  She will have her little girl tantrums. Then she will feel guilty about it afterwards. She will pray.  She will ask forgiveness.  She will beat herself up for her imperfect behavior.

Yet she is now learning… it’s ok to not be perfect.  It’s ok to mess up.  It’s ok to be messy.  It’s ok to be real.  It’s ok to ask forgiveness.  It’s really ok to say “I’m sorry”. It takes someone mature to say “I’m sorry.” It means you are healthy if you can admit mistakes and ask forgiveness.

She is learning to be gentler with herself.  She is learning to calm down that “little girl” who sometimes wells up inside of her, just wanting to know she is loved and seen and known… taken care of, nurtured.  She knows in her heart, NOW, after many years of being a stubborn child, that she IS loved and seen and known… by her heavenly Father, Papa, who knows her inside and out, better than she knows herself.  She is finally learning that He wants what is GOOD for her! He isn’t going to strike her down and cause her to become paralyzed (her fear ever since she saw the movie “Joni” in 6th grade) or have no fun ever again if she totally sells out to HIM.  She knows now that He is FOR her, wanting her to thrive, wanting her to be healthy… and to be more like Him every day.  He is her dad.  She is a parent, and does she want bad things for her kids? NO! And God, who is not human, wants far and away exceedingly more for me than I could ever fathom for my own kids.  She knows this life won’t be easy.  Life will never be easy.  But she now knows… this life isn’t SUPPOSED to be perfect.  No one is perfect in THIS life. Things aren’t perfect.  Happiness isn’t guaranteed, but JOY can be had when one knows in her HEART that He loves her. SO much.  She is loved.  “Every good and perfect thing comes from heaven above.”

She is so loved.  She is seen and known by her Father.  She is okay just how she is.  She is loved exactly how she is.  Mistakes and all.  Yelling and all. Losing her temper or patience.  She doesn’t have to TRY so hard.  She doesn’t have to be perfect and she doesn’t have to show a “perfect facade” to the world.  She only has to love her Lord and spend time with him, listening to him and growing in him… and He will work on her heart, and help her, and give her grace, because she is human.  She is fallible.  But she is OK!

Stop.

<img src=”http://lisajobaker.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/5minutefriday.jpg” alt=”Five Minute Friday” title=”Five Minute Friday” style=”border:none;” />

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“And he said un…

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

This is the theme of my blog, for now, and I will see how it develops from here.  I’m a wife to a wonderful husband (21 years and counting), mom to a thoughtful, athletic 15 year old son, and to an outgoing, happy 11 year old daughter.  They are the joys and loves of my life.  I’m also mom to an elderly, but beloved Boston Terrier, Oscar.  

I’ve been learning so much this past year… must be something about the mid-40s, or just where I am in life right now… but I am learning to be REAL, and to let go of that horrible disease of perfectionism and control… it is crippling.  I am attracted to friends who are also learning to do this “REAL” thing: being who God created us to be; admitting our weaknesses to one another, so that we can relate better and more honestly, without facades; being more likable perhaps, as a result of not trying to appear like we have it all together and not needing to prove our worth to anyone else; knowing our worth in God’s eyes, as precious and beloved children of God, who makes us strong in our weaknesses; learning to say “no” and not be people-pleasers (another crippling disease I’ve had most of my life), but to do what is best for your own soul and sanity and family and self… being GOD-pleasers rather than MAN-pleasers.  (Great book on that, by the way, that I HIGHLY recommend: “When People are Big and God is Small, Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man,” by Edward T. Welch)

That’s a short synopsis of what I hope to convey more about as I learn and grow, imperfectly.  I am happy to have a writing outlet as well, because I was always told I had a “gift for writing” and I have a creative side to me, that has been stifled by, yet again, that dreaded perfectionism (fear of trying something and failing if it’s not perfect, so just not even trying).  Hoping this will feed my soul, and maybe someone else will get something out of it occasionally too.  If anything I have learned, or am learning, along the way can help someone else, then I’m all for it.  I’m gonna turn my “mess into a message”…