Task: type 5 minutes, freestyle, using one word as a starter… “Five Minute Friday”. (Note: this is NOT edited… it is free style, whatever came out…)
She tries to be such a good mom and wife. She tries to do it all. Perfectly. She doesn’t want anyone to see her mess up. Or she USED to be that way, for about 44 years. Now she still tries to be a “good mom and wife”, but she knows she will never get it just right. She will fail. She will fall. She will have some good days. Some bad days. She will yell at her kids sometimes. She will lose it. She will get mad at her husband. She will want her own way. She will have her little girl tantrums. Then she will feel guilty about it afterwards. She will pray. She will ask forgiveness. She will beat herself up for her imperfect behavior.
Yet she is now learning… it’s ok to not be perfect. It’s ok to mess up. It’s ok to be messy. It’s ok to be real. It’s ok to ask forgiveness. It’s really ok to say “I’m sorry”. It takes someone mature to say “I’m sorry.” It means you are healthy if you can admit mistakes and ask forgiveness.
She is learning to be gentler with herself. She is learning to calm down that “little girl” who sometimes wells up inside of her, just wanting to know she is loved and seen and known… taken care of, nurtured. She knows in her heart, NOW, after many years of being a stubborn child, that she IS loved and seen and known… by her heavenly Father, Papa, who knows her inside and out, better than she knows herself. She is finally learning that He wants what is GOOD for her! He isn’t going to strike her down and cause her to become paralyzed (her fear ever since she saw the movie “Joni” in 6th grade) or have no fun ever again if she totally sells out to HIM. She knows now that He is FOR her, wanting her to thrive, wanting her to be healthy… and to be more like Him every day. He is her dad. She is a parent, and does she want bad things for her kids? NO! And God, who is not human, wants far and away exceedingly more for me than I could ever fathom for my own kids. She knows this life won’t be easy. Life will never be easy. But she now knows… this life isn’t SUPPOSED to be perfect. No one is perfect in THIS life. Things aren’t perfect. Happiness isn’t guaranteed, but JOY can be had when one knows in her HEART that He loves her. SO much. She is loved. “Every good and perfect thing comes from heaven above.”
She is so loved. She is seen and known by her Father. She is okay just how she is. She is loved exactly how she is. Mistakes and all. Yelling and all. Losing her temper or patience. She doesn’t have to TRY so hard. She doesn’t have to be perfect and she doesn’t have to show a “perfect facade” to the world. She only has to love her Lord and spend time with him, listening to him and growing in him… and He will work on her heart, and help her, and give her grace, because she is human. She is fallible. But she is OK!